Helping Your Child Cope With Tragedy – Family Radio / Focus On The Family Counselor Jonnie DeBrito

The following mp4 recording by Family Radio’s, Community Bridge, is of an interview with Focus On The Family counselor, Joannie DeBrito. The purpose of the interview was to explore suggestions for parents whose children have experienced trauma, such as in a school shooting. The information applies to other traumas as well.

Highlights of the 23-minute conversation precede the MP4:

• Counselor Joannie DeBrito emphasized God’s sovereignty via her suggestions
• Typical emotions experienced by people who have undergone trauma are, anger, sadness, anxiety, depression, hopelessness and a sense of being overwhelmed
• At such times, it is important to talk with someone who is supportive; that person may initially only need to listen and be with the one experiencing trauma
• (3:00 minute mark) Signs / symptoms of a child undergoing trauma: a change in patterns of behavior; for example, an outgoing child becoming withdrawn; a child exhibiting fear regarding things that were previously normal activities; changes in weight; eating habits; sleep patterns
• The Bible is full of tragic stories, those offer a glimpse of God’s redemption and inspire hope
• (7:00 M) DeBrito spoke of her involvement in the Columbine shooting event and shared something not covered by news reports: as the families waited to be united with their children, those who remained became aware that their children were victims. Those families had church families with them, pastors…and the room was silent while prayer was occurring
• God intended the body of Christ to encourage and lift up one another; His Spirit also works through people
• DeBrito’s article on parenting a child affected by trauma; suggestions for parents included: do not model anxiety, express your own emotions with another so that you may be emotionally available for your child; listen and allow them to voice emotions; get a sense for when it is right to offer advice, prayer, scripture (doing such things prematurely may shut down the process)
• It is very important to act in such a way that you do not discount the feelings of the child
• (15 M) Specific responses suggested for the intervening person in traumas including the diagnosis of cancer: allow the person to experience their emotions; talk about how Jesus always offered grace and then followed that with truth
• Between the responses of grace (listening…) and truth (offering biblical guidance…) could be minutes, hours, days, or months. You need to attend carefully and initiate responses with sensitivity
• Inquire of their relationship with God in terms of how it was impacted by the traumatic event
• Emphasize that the event may not be something they can ‘get over’ but that it will likely be something that needs to be integrated into their life
• Taking time to listen and allowing them to feel is part of acknowledging their feelings and allowing them to have those (in doing so, you are not giving them the message that they are wrong for such feelings)
• Help them know whether this event and other similar past events have been used by God to draw them nearer to Him
• Focus on the Family’s free counseling line: 855-771-4357; anyone may have two free consultations by phone; this agency can direct you to a Christian counselor near you for depression, anxiety, ptsd, issues related to violence
• This counseling line is also for those parents who fear that their angry child may commit an act of violence